You Can’t Think It Up, But You Can Think It Down

Andrew Siegel MD   11/21/15


(Above fortune from Chinese fortune cookie relevant to this discussion.)

Q: What is the most powerful sex organ?

A: If you think it is the erect and throbbing penis, you are incorrect. The BRAIN is the bossman and the most influential force driving sexuality. The penis is a mere buck private soldier that responds and bends to the will of the five-star general and commander-in-chief of sexuality, the central nervous system.

Despite the authority and assertive presence of the brain, it is only under rare circumstances that it is capable of willing the limp penis to become erect. Some form of touch or erotic stimulation is most often necessary to get the erection process going, with the exception of nighttime-related erections associated with a phase of sleep known as REM (Rapid Eye Movement).

If the central nervous system cannot will the limp penis to become erect, it certainly can will the erect penis to become limp or will the limp penis to remain limp. This is the case with performance anxiety, a classic instance of the powerful mind-body connection. In this circumstance, stress or anxiety causes the output of high levels of adrenaline, which functions to constrict penile blood flow and erectile smooth muscle relaxation, resulting in a limp penis.

The central nervous system is the commander-in-chief of sexuality, but it demands working the way it likes to work, i.e., naturally, unhindered and unburdened by cognitive thought. Conscious and willful thought clearly can interfere with the smooth function of the central nervous system. When conscious thought enters the picture, the ability to perform many complex movements goes south. Much the same as a golf swing or any action like using a fork to feed yourself or walking down a flight of stairs, when it comes to sexuality, the brain works best when it is working subconsciously. Overthinking is the enemy of any complex motor activity. With all of these examples, one needs to be in the moment and engaged in the activity without conscious thought, in order to enable a smooth execution.

The moment one starts overthinking, the complex motion is virtually destined to be flawed. The golf swing is a classic example, with a poor shot almost guaranteed if one has too many swing thoughts that confound execution and performance. For the non-golfers, try walking down a flght of stairs at a good clip, stating to yourself in your inner voice each step in the process and you will likely trip up. When you are in a sexual situation, if you focus on thinking about your sexual function or lack thereof or reliving a previous problem, then your performance will most often be doomed to failure.


(Thank you, Pixabay for image above)

Too much thought is capable of empowering self-fulfilling prophecies and bringing them to fruition. If one has had erection issues and in a passionate moment starts thinking, assessing, evaluating and analyzing, he is almost certain to be incapable of obtaining or maintaining an erection. Likewise, if one suffers with premature ejaculation and his thought pattern becomes obsessively focused on this possibility instead of being in the moment and enjoying the situation, he is almost certain to ejaculate way sooner than desired. The same is true with the rarer but equally disturbing problem of delayed ejaculation. Focusing on trying to make oneself ejaculate will most often bring on the inability to ejaculate.

Masters and Johnson coined the term spectatoring, an intense self-focus during sexual interactions as opposed to immersing oneself in the sensory aspects of the sexual experience. Essentially, spectatoring is observing and monitoring yourself having sex as if you were a third party, often accompanied by an anxious internal, self-conscious dialogue with concerns about some aspect of your sexual performance. It is being a spectator instead of the player and it will DESTROY your game.

The solution to spectatoring is to “be present” and “in the moment,” totally immersing yourself in the experience without observation or conscious internal thoughts. When you lose yourself in the sensations and do not allow thoughts to interfere with the process, you maximize your chances for an optimal performance. When distracting thoughts uncontrollably float into the present like dark clouds in the sky, take a deep breath, exhale slowly and allow the thoughts to pass and return to a state of being present.

Bottom Line: Overthinking is the enemy of complex actions, including erections and ejaculation. Allow the central nervous system to do what it does so well– subconsciously– without trying to help things along with deliberate thought.  Let instinct prevail over conscious thought–you cannot make it happen, you have to let it happen. There is an  time and place for conscious thought, but it is not in the heat of the moment in the bedroom.  Be present without thought of the past or future. 

Wishing you the best of health,

2014-04-23 20:16:29

A new blog is posted every week. To receive the blogs in the in box of your email go to the following link and click on “email subscription”:

Author of Male Pelvic Fitness: Optimizing Sexual and Urinary Health: available in e-book (Amazon Kindle, Apple iBooks, Barnes & Noble Nook, Kobo) and paperback: In the works is The Kegel Fix: Recharging Female Pelvic, Sexual and Urinary Health.

Co-creator of Private Gym, a comprehensive, interactive, FDA-registered follow-along male pelvic floor muscle training program. Built upon the foundational work of Dr. Arnold Kegel, Private Gym empowers men to increase pelvic floor muscle strength, tone, power, and endurance: or Amazon.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Responses to “You Can’t Think It Up, But You Can Think It Down”

  1. Michael Isaacs Says:

    Andy, I really was impressed with your psychological and spiritual depth of this blog. The principle of moving the performance anxiety and fear to the present experience is cognitive therapy. Although you are writing about a urological matter, it is a universal matter re so many of life’s problems. Spiritually, in meditation, one of its main functions is to help the person to focus on the present, on an object of meditation. That object might be a mantra, the breath, or even silence itself. Learning to be in the present moment is a big part in so many spiritual endeavors such as yoga philosophy, Buddhism, and mystical branches of Judaism and Christianity! So, the principles of your blog is applicable in universal endeavors. Congrats                                             From your first babysitter in Chicago where I was a miserable failure since you cried the whole time!                            

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: